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Saturday, 03 April 2010 10:12


When I left the Church I decided to never look back. Since I had spent the better part of my life in what felt like a complete insane asylum and, even worse, since I had not helped one single human being in at least 10 years, I decided not to spend one more day of my life regurgitating the subject.  The fact that I am free to help others and be of value to humanity is far more important to me than putting things right with the Church.

However, reading and watching the media on the subject has made me furious because of the way the Church is denying all allegations that are made against David Miscavige.

I am fortunate to know people of different professions, ages and beliefs through my job. People who have never been involved with Scientology. They all say the same thing: that it is impossible that so many people are now coming out and telling the same story without any truth to  the matter -- and that if just a fraction of what they are saying is true then the Church needs a major overhaul. They are outraged that the Church is trying to intimidate those who are speaking out. I just watched people who I used to know and who I personally saw being slapped, punched, sleep deprived, humiliated and more by David Miscavige, deny it all on national TV in front of millions of people. It not only infuriated me, it made me wonder what drives someone to become so mindless? What will be next? Will they drink cyanide-laced Kool Aid? I should know at least part of the answer, because I was there for over 20 years.

I also had this idea that because I myself was part of the yelling, shoving and threatening of people I didn't really have much of a right to blame others. In retrospect that view is so wrong and it's probably one of the biggest factors that people don't speak out. While there was always shouting, threats and heated arguments in the management of Scientology, as long as I was part of it, there is simply no doubt that the level of violence and atrocities has escalated to an all time high under the regime of David Miscavige. It's the first time I myself saw people being slapped, slammed to the floor, strangled and beaten as well as locked up and ridiculed to such extent that it became actual torture.

So,  to join the many who are speaking out, here are some of the things I personally witnessed while working for almost 20 years at the Int Base of the Church of Scientology. These are the human rights violations that I saw with my own eyes while there. I am sure that most of this has been covered by others, so this is simply my way of "joining the forces" and affirming that what others have written up is indeed the truth. If you worked at the Int Base for a long time there is probably not much you don't already know in my write-up. It's written mostly so that a novice or non-Scientologist can understand what was actually happening. Maybe it can help someone not on that Base or who is uncertain about the validity of all allegations against the Church to understand what is going on.


In terms of physical abuse, I saw David Miscavige (will call him DM from now on) hit several executives which included slapping, punching, strangling and throwing objects at them. I saw him banging the heads of Marc Yager and Guillaume Lesevre (the Commanding Officer and Executive Director of the Church) together repeatedly until Guillaume's ear was bleeding. I saw him slap Ray Mithoff (Senior Case Supervisor Int) several times over the head and ear until he cried out in pain.  After that beating DM left the office where we were sitting only to come back in 10 minutes. He had brought his wallet and pulled out a $20 bill and gave it to Ray saying: "Take this, I shouldn't have done that."

I saw him throw a large, solid glass ashtray at Jason Bennick (then an exec in Gold) with full force which only missed Jason because he ducked. I saw him leap across a conference room table where at least 30 Int Executives were sitting and strangle and punch Mike Rinder several times in the face and on the body. I also saw him leap at Jeff Hawkins (then in Marketing) and slap and punch him. I was also there when he repeatedly slapped Marc Headley (then staff of Gold) in the face. These are some examples and there are many more.


I also saw DM humiliate staff repeatedly. At one point  he had certain execs (Marc Yager, Norman Starkey, Hara O'Hare, Ray Mithoff) confined to  tents with cold water showers and some hole in the ground as the "toilet." There were no separate allowances made for Hara who was a woman. I know of this because DM boasted about it in meetings. In 2004, I was part of the group of people (circa 50) who were confined to their office spaces in a trailer. We slept under desks and left the building only to take showers in the AM. The building was heavily guarded with no chance to "escape".  In fact DM specifically told Guillaume (ED International) and Marc (Commanding Officer CMO International) in one meeting that: "If you blow I am going to come after you with everything I have and you know that I have connections."

The average sleep schedule was 4-5 hours nightly, sometimes less, for months. During this time period I witnessed DM meeting with Tom Devocht who was in charge  of the collective group in the trailers and tell him to "work over" people who he (DM) had called out in meetings. The "working over" consisted of slapping, punching and pummeling of people. DM knew of this. I saw him at least twice witnessing it from a distance. I saw at least 2 women (Angie Lemoine and Melita Guider) being repeatedly slapped in the face and told to "fess up" to their bad deeds. I saw the then Marketing Exec, Dave Bloomberg, being 'pummeled" by 2 other guys (Tom Devocht and someone else, I can't recall) and having to be driven to the hospital with a bruised rib.

In terms of verbal abuse and foul language it is impossible to count how many times I heard him belittle, berate, swear at and call staff names. I know that I was personally called both "bitch" and "slut" by him and also heard him call other female staff "c--t".  The name-calling of females was much more rare than the men who he sometimes called all possible slang-words for the male organ, accused of being "fags" and more.  The foul language spread all over that base like wildfire. People were saying "f--king" every second sentence, swearing, yelling at each other, etc. I can't say this entirely came from DM but he was sure setting the example when it came to manners and proper language. I was sort of stunned when I got out in the world so to speak that people generally weren't swearing at all and it took me a while to shake the habit.


I was there and can confirm the "Musical Chairs" event where DM played music and had all Base Execs fight for chairs to see who would remain on their posts and who would be shipped away to the worst continent possible. It was ridicule all the way including bringing in spouses for good-byes, DM pretending to order ridiculous uniforms to be designed for all who would be leaving, etc.  However, I believe that  this event was a microcosm of constant destabilization of the personnel who worked at the Int Base. DM had his wife and assistant Shelly run a constant "personnel project" which went on for at least 10 years on and off. Large boards were made of the organization boards for the Base (RTC, CMO Int, Exec Strata, Gold, etc.) and Int and RTC staff were made to put together proposals of who should be in which organizations. This was done by marathon (sometimes a day and night long) meetings with photos of the personnel on the Base being moved around on the boards. It was solely based on opinion and the staff themselves were often pulled in and showed the boards which resulted in rumors and people never feeling safe on their posts. As an example,  I once counted that I had been proposed for 20 different posts on these boards on and off just in two weeks!


There was another broad, financial situation that I know  of, having worked in most of the organizations on the base. In Gold (the lowest org on the totem pole) the staff were sometimes not being paid for months on end, an unbearable situation where some staff could not even afford to buy hygiene materials such as soap, underwear and tampons (believe it or not). In 1992 or 93 the staff in RTC were to be given yearly bonuses. Most staff were getting bonuses to the tune of $5,000 - $7,000. It didn't feel right when people in lower orgs were starving, literally, so some of us took it up with the then Internal Executive, Laurisse Stuckenbrock. (Laurisse later became COB’s Communicator). We were told that it was out of the question to decline the bonus. Those senior to us would get approximately triple that amount and then DM an even bigger bonus, of course. If those lower in the organization didn't accept their bonuses DM's would look odd in the eyes of the IRS, is what she told us. The difference between DM's lifestyle and those around him was staggering. He had 5-8 personal staff taking care of all his needs. Oh, and his staff had to be young and good looking, something his wife/assistant Shelly constantly told us RTC staff when we were made to help her find staff for his office.

He wore whatever he wanted including tailor-made suits, shoes, etc. that cost thousands of dollars, more than the average staff member would make in a whole year. He ate whatever he pleased; I sat at his table for a while and when he was tired of the food his personal chef made he would just order that food be brought in from restaurants. He flew first class, of course, and drove posh cars. The staff or execs of his org, RTC, got involved in his personal matters in many ways.  Example: His wife Shelly had all the RTC 'girls' stay up almost one whole night writing cards and putting together a surprise " presentation" for him of a brand new car she bought for him. He was showered with gifts for his birthday and Xmas; hundreds of gifts amounting to a value of many thousands of dollars. And, yes, money was collected for these gifts from the staff in Gold, and other orgs, who sometimes had no pay for months. Example of gifts: sound-systems, expensive cameras, suits, italian leather shoes, a custom made bicycle, watches and more.

He was in another league altogether and so he couldn't possibly understand what the general staff were going through or feeling because he was utterly detached from it. 


I think of some of us who departed that Base sometimes still view things through the eyes of an insider instead of a decent human being on the outside. At least I sometimes did. However, by distancing myself from the insanity for many years now I have begun to think clearly. While violence in a Church is absolutely unforgivable,  most people luckily do survive a punch or slap without too much trauma. What I find even more unforgivable and horribly illegal is how the children were treated under DM's regime and how this had heartbreaking ramifications. When I came to the Base people with children were still allowed to work at Int headquarters, however, the children remained in LA in a nursery. Parents were promised to be able to go to LA and see their kids one day a week. This, though not optimum, worked somehow. It was called "family time". In 1986 or 1987 I remember how DM pestered and humiliated ED Int (Guillaume) for allowing family time, which he labelled "other intentioned." ED Int had two daughters himself, so of course he was not about to stop parents from seeing their children. DM, however, made Guillaume put out an issue canceling family time. Now those of us who had kids had no means of seeing them at all. Luckily, an exec who was a mother herself, decided to get the kids out of LA and brought them to a ranch close to the Int Base. So, if we were lucky we could sneak an hour a week with the kids during our "cleaning time" during Sunday mornings. It was an intolerable situation where kids were literally pulled away from their parents.  I know of at least one justification that DM and Shelly had for the bizarre treatment of children. Shelly once briefed RTC staff that since babies were essentially "thetans" (spiritual beings) they could also be born SP (suppressive beings) and therefore you "never knew what you would get," so you better not have kids.

The children at the ranch were made to study only Scientology texts, not given a real education. They were made to do hours of manual labor every day. They were not allowed to really be children and some of the results were disastrous which has been covered in detail  by Jenna Miscavige in the "Scientologykids.org" website.

My friend's daughter, for instance, couldn't fit in and literally was booted out at the age of 14, which was the result from DM's upset that his personal security guard was watching her. Her daughter eventually ended up homeless on the streets in LA. It was known she was on the streets - but instead of seeing the horror and danger imposed on her daughter's life in a city known for its gangs activity and crime, the only concern was to keep my friend disconnected from her, withholding the fact that her daughter reached out to her mother for help.

It is a tragedy how these children were treated and it would never had happened if it wasn't for DM. It is ironic that just a year ago I got to meet ED Int/Guillaume's daughter Laura. She left the Church with her sister around 15 years ago. They went on vacation to Italy to see their grandmother and refused to come back. Laura is a sweet, intelligent, friendly and beautiful girl who has not heard from her father in over 15 years. Not a letter, a phone call, birthday card - nothing. The reason is supposedly that when Laura and her sister left the church at the age of 6 and 8 they ended up not in "good graces". Therefore they are considered a bad influence on their dad. Go figure. But Laura doesn't understand and how does one explain? She wonders how her dad can hate his own daughters? She asked us what farce of an organization creates fathers who don't care for their own children? 


It must be a mystery to many on the outside how one person can get so many others to be slavishly devoted to him. I will try to explain how it was done from my viewpoint. First of all, when DM arrived back to International Headquarters from several years in LA running ASI around 1987, he immediately seized control of RTC which he termed his organization. The sole purpose of RTC was to back him up in his endeavors. This was hammered into those who worked there. So for example, DM would go to a meeting with a bunch of staff from Int or Gold and lay out things that were to be done. Accompanying him would be 5-20 RTC staff who were to look out for anyone looking "strange," "sleepy" or otherwise having a bad reaction to what DM was saying. Those RTC staff were told to look "mean" and "cold." People who were noted as "not with the program" were then hauled in by RTC staff, put on an e-meter and asked questions until they fessed up what their "Counter Intentions" to DM were. They were asked questions such as if they had bad thoughts about him, if they had done something he would not approve of, etc. Whatever came up was written up in a report to DM and he would then use it to intimidate and humiliate the staff concerned. Let's say that the person in question confessed to some sexual thoughts or having masturbated. DM would read out the report aloud to all the execs of the headquarters. Thus, everyone was kept in constant fear of being found out in some way. Because even if you would keep clean as a whistle, who can keep their thoughts entirely under control? Having bad thoughts of any kind against DM was considered "disaffection" of the worst kind. Further, every time DM had one of these marathon meetings he would have his staff type up every word he said (minus any verbal or other abuse by DM) and these were issued to the execs in the meeting and they were to do an "M9" of them. That means reading the whole transcript aloud and each time one stumbled the M9 partner was to find a misunderstood word just before the stumble. A long transcript took hours to get through.

The staff who worked in RTC were "groomed" by DM and his assistant Shelly to work  like an internal police toward the other people at the Base. Like Internal Affairs. This was, however, taken to an extreme that was absurd. The RTC staff were not to associate in any way with other orgs' staff. Example: AVC, a part of RTC, checked every telex and despatch that was sent out from the Base. One evening the AVC Exec, Fleur Thomas at the time, stayed up late to check telexes that DM had ordered "must go out" that night. When she and two of her other staff were done sending out the telexes all buses taking staff home were gone and there were no RTC staff left at the base. Fleur and her staff accepted a ride home with an Int Executive. DM found out and Fleur was "grounded"  (not allowed to go home) for 2 months. It was called "fraternizing." He then ordered that the RTC staff were to go in their own buses and not together with the other Base staff. He finally ordered that those in RTC married to Base staff either divorce or be kicked out of RTC. Prior to that I heard him threaten several staff with having to divorce their spouses. He once came into the office where I worked and told 3 female staff that they were going to have to divorce their husbands, just like that. No specifics on why.

It seemed like every event and/or activity that was supposed to be pleasant was turned into a nightmare in RTC. Example: Weekly Staff Meeting. Staff Meeting is supposed to be a time when the staff come together, go over the events of the week and where the staff can speak out and ask for help with what's on their minds. In RTC, staff meeting was the most terrifying event of the week. Most staff were to speak, show their weekly statistics, tell about handlings for any flaps in their area and brief on the plans for the coming week. Fair enough. But DM, running the meetings, would verbally chop staff to pieces if he felt they said anything wrong. I even saw him remove people on the spot in the meetings. For example he once told Shelly Corrias who was the magazine editor "you're off post!" right in the middle of staff meeting. Staff would drill for hours prior to these meetings on what they were going to say and it surely took the joy out of feeling one belongs to a group. I know, compared to some of the other stuff it surely isn't a big deal but I wanted to give an example of what the atmosphere was like in RTC.


You would ask why the hell people just didn't stand up and give him the finger and say they were leaving. But that would be as if asking an ant why he didn't attack and kill an elephant. DM had every resource in those headquarters at his disposal and speaking out in any way against him meant the most cruel treatment possible. including being under 24 hour guard. There were people who had tried to leave and you would see them, still there, after 1-2-3 years. You didn't want to go that way yourself. So there was another option; shut up and escape at the first possibility. But it had to be done in such way that you weren't caught. Because if you were then you were in for a long haul of being watched day and night sometimes for years. Now, add to that the fact that there are razor-wire fences around the property and guards 24-7 and you'll understand that it wasn't just a matter of walking away from it all. Further, we were entirely disconnected from the rest of the world; reading books (other than L. Ron Hubbard's) was considered unethical, no TV, no internet access and a schedule with 2-5 hours sleep and no liberty. When you're so tired you can't think. When you can't think it's hard to solve problems or defend yourself.

Another factor was the passage of time. It isn't as if suddenly, one day, all the violence started. The first thing I remember was DM just getting annoyed with the Execs concerned, leaving meetings in frustration. Then anger, yelling, calling people out. Then there was using violence sort of jokingly; like having people stand in front of them and he would give them a light kick in the butt for supposedly doing something stupid. Then the first slap, punch and finally attacking people flat out. This gradual increase of seriousness in the punishment made it look like the execs were literally driving him mad. That their actions or inaction were at the bottom of his behavior and that is what he repeated over and over again. He could also be compassionate with people and it was confusing that this same man who was beating and berating people could be so "kind." Like he would suddenly "find out" that someone was sick and order them to get the best possible medical care. He would find out someone hadn't slept and tell them to be taken care of. Of course it was all a show. He knew very well that  people were staying up day and night for years, after all he was the one who coined the expression: "the night doesn't end until..."  

Then it was the matter of the religion itself. Almost everybody who was at Int Headquarters had gained something from L. Ron Hubbard's teachings, texts that were not violent nor cruel. When DM arrived to Int Headquarters he would brief us repeatedly on the fact that the teachings had almost been lost because of the carelessness and evil of former execs as well as those currently there. He told us that he was going to be ruthless to protect the legacy of L. Ron Hubbard. It sounded cool, I mean who did not have moments when they had omitted to do their utmost to spread the religion?


The reason that I am writing this up in such detail is because people keep asking me why the hell we didn't walk out?  It all unfolded gradually and some people finally wised up and saw that it was insane. But even if you did, it was sometimes better to hang on for another year than to try to escape and be "caught" in which case you were in for a looooong haul. It is a big step to stand up and admit that whatever you have been involved with for the last 20 years is wrong, so you hold on, you try to make it right somehow to the bitter end.  I keep thinking about some of the people I know who are still there. I believe that some of them might even consider it too late to start a new life. They are in their 60s, don't have much of a family on the outside, no profession to fall back on and everyone they care about is on the inside. So they must be telling themselves, every day, that it is all just happening because DM is protecting the religion and that they must be grateful and try to live up to his ideals. But I also think that some are just waiting for it all to be over, waiting for DM to make such big mistake that he has to remove himself from the lines. They don't know any other life than Scientology and they still want to try to make everything right. They have been threatened that DM will make their lives miserable if they leave. (He often boasted about his connections including the IRS, banks, etc. ) So I guess they finally wind up in a state of apathy on the subject of ever getting out and try to make the best of what they've got.

Let's say you raided the Base and asked staff to speak out about DM or asked  them if they wanted to leave. You would be surprised how many would say that they loved being there  and that DM is the greatest leader on earth. Some might even believe it but some just know that the moment you left they would face gruesome consequences for speaking their mind. There would only be one way to differentiate between those who want out and those who don't and that is to make it absolutely safe for the staff to speak out. I know that many of the fine people who are still there know at the bottom of their hearts that something is awfully wrong with DM. We didn't talk about it. It wasn't safe. But looks and implications can say more than words much between close friends.

I had personally decided that I was going to leave almost a year before I did. I was just waiting for the right time so I would not be caught. The THOUGHT of leaving had, however, entered my mind many years earlier. I knew something was wrong, so much so that almost 10 years before I actually left I started to make small notes in a diary I kept. I wouldn't spell things out but instead I would write cryptic abbreviations that only I myself could decipher. I would mark events such as DM hitting someone or doing something I found outrageous. Why was I doing it? Because I knew it wasn't right and that it would one day mean something. That's all. When I confessed to keeping such diary some years later, a frantic hunt for the diary began by RTC. ( I was no longer in RTC at that time.) It was as if the whole salvation of the planet depended on finding that diary -- or rather, making  sure that any incriminating evidence was destroyed.  Search parties -- going through all locations where I had been keeping my things, people being woken up in the middle of the night, you name it, went on for weeks.

Now, if such frenzy and effort went into finding a little diary that might, possibly have something incriminating written about DM, then you can ask yourself how far he is going to go to try to stop those who are now, finally, speaking out.....


I hope this has given a better understanding of what was or might still be going on. It's a "religion" that has turned into a place that is hell on earth. Peace, love, tolerance and stillness, subjects that are part of any honest religion, are long gone from Scientology management. Yes, that is the way it is.

Written by BACK TO LIFE




+1 # craig houchin 2010-04-03 06:14
Thank you for this write up. I have been following these stories now for nearly a year. I was a public Scientologist. Never on staff. Never in the SO and, yet, I had to sort out what kept me in for so long (20-years), and I was just on the periphery. All I lost was money.

It's been hard to fully grasp how DM rose to power, how he wielded it so destructively and how he has held on to it so long. Your write up has filled in some gaps and I now understand better, though I doubt I will ever fully understand what creeping mechanisms were at work and how the abused prisoners at Int Base must feel.
+1 # Natalie 2010-04-03 06:34
This is so sad, it needs to be known and exposed, but sad nonetheless. Miscavige's church has indeed created uncaring people. How a father or mother can turn their back on their child is beyond me.

My father struggled with drug addiction his entire life. He didn't wear his hat as my father, but he never disconnected from me, cutting all communication. That Guillaume, ED INT, a senior Scientology executive could turn his back on his kids is appalling. More so that an organization can turn loving human beings into cold automatons who will cut you out of their lives like a cancer as soon as you are no longer supporting "command intention".

Love in its different forms is a powerful thing. Any group such as DM's church, that would force people to turn their backs on the ones they love is a group on its way out. Disconnection as it is being practiced within the church works only to destroy families and relationships with loved ones. It is done out of fear by a group afraid of being found out. So afraid that it would rather see children go without their parents, loved ones suffer apart, rather than own up to its criminality.

Well, they are being found out, their human rights abuses are being exposed. My hope is that the loving relationships that have been lost can be repaired as Scientologist wake up to the fact that they have been being manipulated into enabling the destruction of ARC itself.
+2 # Sarge 2010-04-03 06:35
Back to Life, Thank You, and Bless You. This
took me a while to read. I had to keep going for a walk. Marty told me a year ago that
'Sarge you wouldn't know the place (Int).'
(another walk). The emotion is intense. When
you got to the section about the Children, I
had to throw my glasses down in anger and
leave for a while. My god, this is what LRH's Scientology has become. Bless you for
speaking out and know you are not alone. MLV,
+1 # friend of ron 2010-04-03 08:40
This goes beyond anything that AC 360 covered.

Your first hand knowledge is incredible and so very valuable. Used correctly this truly can change conditions for the better again.

I'd love to have an attorney friend look at all this under a confidentiality agreement to see what legal actions can be taken based on this data.

Please email me and let me know if I can help you in any way.
+1 # Freedom Fighter 2010-04-03 08:41
I can't begin to tell you the emotions this conjures up in me -- being a Scientologist and ex-military.

Elie Wiesel wrote in his book Night:

"For the survivor who chooses to testify, it is clear: his duty is to bear witness for the dead and the living. He has no right to deprive future generations of a past that belongs to our collective memory. To forget would be not only dangerous but offensive; to forget the dead would be akin to killing them a second time. The witness has forced himself to testify. For the youth of today, for the children who will be born tomorrow. He does not want his past to become their future."

Back to Life, thank you for telling your story. We owe it to ourselves, to mankind, and to LRH to put a stop to this madness -- no matter what it takes and no matter what it costs.
+1 # Jack Airey 2010-04-03 08:41
Back to Life;

I hope your diary is in a safe place. I like Sarge could not read your post without pausing. The evil of this little creep DM knows no bounds.

The more I read about this lunatic the more I'm convinced if he is allowed 1 or 2 more years as COB the Church of Scientology will never recover.

Thank you so much for your story. It needs to be read by many.

Your diary could make on hell of a story told on video documentary style. I produce documentaries. If your interested in talking Steve Hall has my email address.

The very best to you in the future.
+1 # Victoria 2010-04-04 10:33
I guess this story is just unfolding, but I hope if it ever gets told in a documentary it will be done by those who really know what all of this is about. So, I think it's a wonderful idea.

I am really,really worried about these people now. It is so true, when you are inside, your viewpoint is completely different. It's okay to be tired and soldier on when you know the job is getting done but I get the suspicion that DM has convinced them the planet is going to blow at any second.

That's what Dean Stokes told his staff and since none of us had any auditing and training and he was the big flag OT we believed him. So no matter how awful it was on staff the real world seemed more hostile. There was only one choice, stay on staff and push to the end. It was terribly sad and defeatist.

He also told us that there were people out to kill his body and inferred that they were with flag which was really confusing. What in the world has been going on here?

Back to Life, thank-you for writing this up. There are many of us that completely understand what's going on here and what you went through, so that's good for everyone. And you certainly have answered some important questions for those who would have a hard time grasping it.
+1 # Amy Scobee 2010-04-03 08:43
BACK TO LIFE - Thank you so much for speaking out. DM's "empire" is going to collapse as he can't keep the truth from coming out.

I didn't know you were also there when he hit Ray Mithoff and gave him cash to "compensate" for the pain inflicted! I thought I was the only one on the outside who witnessed that, besides his brother who was also there.

That one had particular impact on me as it was FIRST act of physical violence dished out by DM that I witnessed -- though, unfortunately, it was not the last.

You were always an inspiration to me because, no matter what position you held from the very top down, you were just yourself and a wonderful "self" at that!

Wishing you the best,
# Martin 2010-04-03 08:53
... for sharing this. It is perhaps the most lucid and clear summary of all, and I thank you sincerely for writing it up. I have forwarded it on to Sweeney for his consideration in view of the upcoming Panorama show, as the one thing missing I feel from AC 360 this week was an examination of the underlying reasons for why nobody could come forward immediately after a beating, or go to the police etc. You have explained this superbly so that even a simple journalist could understand it!

Anyway, good luck and warm wishes to you; did you escape with the diary or was it found?
# lunamoth 2010-04-03 09:29
I ready your post early today, before any of the
comments were posted. I intended to comment, but I couldn't. By the time I go to the treatment of the children, I had my head in my hands, crying. The word "insanity" was all I thought for a minute.

How does one survive years in an environment like that? What a victory that you got out of there with enough fight left in you to speak up about it.

You certainly have my respect and admiration. Welcome to the discussion. I hope we will hear more from you.

# ctodd 2010-04-03 09:29
Back to Life,
What a sad, powerful history you relate. I'm in awe of you, as well as the others who have been able to leave what they had worked for and start over.
I became aware of the tech from Independent sources, so I have only second and third hand info of what it's like in any of the orgs. The tech is amazingly useful and it is a shame what DM has done with the Church. I hope others can find inspiration and the courage to move on.
+1 # Sarge 2010-04-03 09:50
I'm sorry. Anger is an ineffective bullet.
Truth is an effective bullet. This writeup
needs to go far and wide. Its not only well written but full of the truth. Please someone
with the know how, disseminate!
+1 # Sinar 2010-04-03 13:03
Thanks for sharing your experiences BTL, I'm sure I do know you having been at the base for years as well.

I had a lower pain threshold and so left earlier, before the scene got worse and worse, as I had realized that DM's operating basis is just creating needless stress and problems in life for all under him in order to control and keep in power. Once this was pretty much achieved then it was to test the boundaries of how much he could get away with, IMHO.

It does take some time to decompress from all this- you have confirmed and added many details to other old friends accounts which does blow off charge having more different views of those times - Thank you for that. The diary incident is funny - I hope they didn't find it and there's some Mystery to it still.

Craig, the rise to Power occurred earlier and the creation of "Chairman of the Board" RTC post is not as LRH had envisioned it. Prior to that DM was mostly in LA and running ASI in a similar manner and usurping the power LRH had given to the "Loyal Officers".
+1 # Karen 2010-04-03 16:00
Thank you for speaking out.

Not only have you reconfirmed what I have been made aware of over the past six months, you have given me an understanding of what happened to Scientology.

On more than one occassion, I would look around my org (pre and post Ideal Org status)which per the stats was considered to be one of the more successful orgs and wonder about the true status of Scientology. How could Scientology be as big as it was being tauted at the events? It was depressing and introverting to realize that we were one of the better ones.

I now see that Scientology was never allowed to truly achieve any expansion. The top execs were so busy studying DM or preparing for meetings with DM, that there was no time to apply LRH. What I was experiencing was the lack of any real admin technology at the top of the org board. The "something wrong" was actually an omitted and therefore harder to spot. All of the outlist of what I was doing wrong was all for naught.

Thanks for clearing that up and I hope to be hearing more from you in the future.
# Nomnom 2010-04-03 17:02
Thank you so much for the write up BTL.
Got to chew on it for a while...
I must do more.
+1 # BTL 2010-04-03 18:25
Thank you to everyone who responded so nicely to my article!
I am really glad that it has helped clarify what's going on.
That was really my intention. I no longer feel victimized or sad about what happened, but I don't want others to fall in the same trap.
I think the story at that Base is a microcosm of how so many religions fail and mess people up. It's not only the "Stockholm syndrome" but also the "mea-culpa" syndrome (a term I just made up) where a person naturally looks inside himself when something bad happens to him.
It's the sign of a social personality, I guess.
But if the abusive person keeps pushing that "you are forcing me to do this to you", he/she can become convinced that it's the case.
There's a sea of things wrong with any being so one can
easily introvert for years.
It takes some doing to pull out of that view and see the truth.
As a last note, I am currently very happy in life and hardly think back. Being part of something so absurd makes one appreciate the joy of living tremendously. And when the suppression comes off, it is like
all ones emotions and abilities suddenly blossom. More articles
to come.
PS: I think I forgot to thank Marty, Jeff,Tom, Steve & Amy for speaking out, just because they care, with no financial gain and despite threats and other criminal actions by the Church trying to stop them.
They really are true friends.
+1 # LO 2010-04-03 18:34
Dear BTL,

Your writing had a big effect on me.
I shed quite some tears.
I realised how big the theta has been that is enturbulated by the constant losses on the 3rd and 4rd dyn.
I one takes the last 30 years and calculates all the arcXs. loses, failed purposes, lost hopes, bpcs....There you'll find all the missing theta that is needed for Scientology to expand. One has to find a formula to disenturbulate it.


+1 # TRUTH 2010-04-04 01:18
Dear BTL,

Thank you so much for sharing your truth. I am truly honored to have you as part of this theta team.
I just posted this link on CNN.com(about Scientology blog)as a comment for Anderson Cooper to read. I also e-mailed it to several Scientologists, here in USA and other countries.

It is very important for people to have first hand data so they don't buy into DM's PR line.

BTL, I love your writing, please keep it up!

I wish you all the best and love you very much!
-1 # Paolo Ruggeri 2010-04-04 02:05
Dear BTL,

Thank you for your write up.

After reading what you wrote about children, I feel disgust for having supported for many years such a suppressive group.


# La Mano Gaucha 2010-04-04 03:00
The title of the article is a bit of a misnomer but this is a very good summary for the newly informed and a fine addition to the rapidly expanding number of texts revelatory of the COS' crimes. Thank you.
# Ignazio Tidu 2010-04-04 06:11
Thanks for sharing your experience. My hat is off to you for it. If there is any way I can help you please let me know.
# Barney Rubble 2010-04-04 08:17
Interesting article, while much of it has been documented before, it gave some new insight of the complete madness.

I can understand her point that many of these people are in the 60's and really have no choice but to stay. They have probably established an immune system, after so many years.

I had a similar experience(s) in the SO, though not as bad. Luckily I got out in my late 30's and was able to salvage my life.
# Notsaware 2010-04-04 10:21
Dear, Whoever you are, thanks for telling your experience. My hat is off to you!
# Misha 2010-04-04 11:51
Many thanks for your article and very happy to hear that you are now doing great. I don't know your identity behind the pal name but I am sure we've met many times just because of being on the same Base for many years. I am also doing great with no insanity and suppression and that is all very cool. Now, in terms of Scientology and everything it can bring to the world and huge numbers of individual thetans in it, what do you think needs to be done to get it back on the rails and make it a true asset to humanity?
# Sukbi Hong 2010-06-18 09:29
I fear the only way to do this is to dismantle it as it stands now and continue to spread Hubbards ideologies on historical significance and let him join people throughout history that changed the way he view ourselves and reality.
# Chuck Beatty 2010-04-04 12:45
Thanks Back to Life.

Would you be willing to talk privately to a scholar who follows this site?

I try to connect people who can describe the violence and atmosphere, and you have done a good job.

You can talk off the record.

The more senior articulate ex leaders who corroborate the whole history of Int Base abuse, the better for the history books, and the more information to allow the outside world to come to some conclusion about how to stop this self abuse going on at the Int Base.

I've had outside "experts" say that this won't stop. That the abusers, namely DM, cannot stop himself.

And per LRH's "Individuation" tape, NO other Int Base staffers are sitting DM down in session and clearing his transgressions, which is the solution LRH said HAS to be done, that the people below the leader have to grab the leader and sit him down in session. And it becomes harder and harder, and now it seems impossible for anyone at any echelon of Scientology, to sit DM down and run his transgressions.

Which is why, for the last 5 years, I have supported and tried to cheerlead that senior 'big cheeze' ex Int Base staffers, find their voices and speak up publicly, write books, and somehow offer some advice on what to do with these abuses at the top of the movement.

Thanks. Could you please email me?

Best, Chuck Beatty
+1 # Ex-Protester 2010-04-04 12:46
I used to have a lot of "charge" on David Miscavige, but now now just feel impatient for the justice action to get started. There is a real chance that the first lawsuit will win a million or more, and there could be hundreds more. David Miscavige has become a public liability to the CO$,
Still, I have to say, Hey, Davie. Has a withhold been missed?"
+1 # Scarlet Pumpernickel 2010-04-05 08:45
Wow, BTL, thank you so much for articulating what I have not been able to articulate since leaving the SO.

I have to say, that had I not been kicked to the curb by DM and left behind at Flag in late 2002 after spending so many years on the Int Base, I don't know if I'd have come to my senses as rapidly as I did. At Flag, I had the opportunity to see life outside the SO, and I was one of the few on the FLB who had some limited internet access due to my job.

For a while at Flag, things were good. In fact, they were GREAT compared to what I had been used to. But then, when the insanity started filtering down to the FSO (right around the time of the Congresses release), I could see the writing on the wall.

I thought about leaving almost daily after that, but I stayed. It wasn't until I was working with Diana Hubbard who had come down to Flag for the Basics release, and she stated more than once that she was going to work to get me back on the Int Base, that it hit me: RUN!!

That's just what I did, a few short weeks later. And I've never looked back.

Again, thank you SO much for putting into words what I could not. I'm sure I know you, and there's no doubt in my mind what a great person you are.
+2 # John Duignan 2010-04-05 17:34
There is something of a dam burst occuring at this moment. The kind of inhamity and madness can only go on for so long before it collapses under the weight of its own evil. We who have lied to, fooled, incarcerated, beaten and demeaned are being heard. Now the law needs to move in.

Respect to you BTL, and respect Jeff, Amy, Marty and of course, Tommy Davis (without whose wonderful support, Mcsavage would have a very hard time trying to appear credible).
# Herb 2010-04-05 21:37
BTL, the way Sarge responded to your post expresses for me just how significant your account is. You combine an eye witness recollection with wise insight into what was happening. The two together are powerful indeed and will help many to understand the forces at work holding this evil together.

Your post left me feeling both sad and impatient for action to stop the abuses. One of the sentences that hit me strongly was the one in which you said you had been writing down your evidence of abuse for 10 years. That a person could be trapped for so long horrifies me.

You also write about the pressure not even to THINK, lest your thoughts be found out. This is an area that hasn't been aired in the media as yet, but it's an important one. I will be educating Australian parliamentarians about the California statute prohibiting the use of lie detectors in the workplace. I think the emeter should be banned from use in "sec checks" on employees.

Thank you, BTL. I hope to read or see your account in the media before too long.

Much love to you.
+1 # theoracle 2010-04-30 21:22
That's it. I've heard enough and seen enough.

I am making a David Miscavige Voo Doo Doll this week end.
# theoracle 2010-05-01 11:18
It infuriated me too.
# Theo Sismanides 2010-05-02 23:43
Back to Life, thank you for speaking out. There is now a new field we are called to play in like real players do. Not just sit back and watch. We have international matters and decent people around that really need our know how and help.
+1 # Let\s Act 2010-06-03 09:30
The time has come to coordinate our activities and find one spot in the Justice Department to which all of this information can be sent. A suggestion would be to send a copy to your local Congressman and Senator along with a copy to the Faith Based program at the White House. A little homework can put together a list of the addresses.
# Sukbi Hong 2010-06-18 03:19
This article is very enlightening. Some one should write news stations that have documented the past miniscule church activities as framework for this story and the story of the protesters which is not properly represented in print or on television.
# Russell Welday 2010-07-05 17:52
If the Feds can raid polygamists based on the spurious testimony of one woman, and later found Not Guilty in a court of law, why can't the Feds raid Int? It seems there is no shortage of victims who can swear to these crimes. The fix is in somewhere. My advice is for the survivors in California to approach Senators Feinstein and Boxer in DC or Cal and picket if necessary. Anonymous are you listening?
# Gothicat 2010-09-20 23:04
I´ve read on the internet about these abusethings for some years. I have been married to a man who is still in Scientology in Sweden and I have tried to talk to my ex-husband about it to figure out if he knows but I think he doesn´t.
# V 2012-07-17 14:14
I've had a child witch an ex scientoligist, he got kiked out of it when he was a teen... He was violent with me, all the time. Had to ask my parent's help to get him out of my house...He wouldn't leave.

His mother and sister are still working full time for this crappy SECT, let's call it as it is...
They get paid 50$ a week.
He can talk to his mom once a week, on a strict scedule. if he missed the call, he couln't talk to her for an other week...
My biggest fear now is to see my son fall in their hands...
She can see him once a year, she has to travel on her own (cancer patient!) and never has enough money to see her 2 kids for Christmass,... No presents either... Such a sad life if you ask me... She's about to die and she can't see or talk to her kids when she wants to. She has to beg her kids for money each time she wants to see them.
I just can't understand how they got into this in the first place... Sounds soooo horrible from the outside...
Even worst: even if my ex got kiked out, he still defends the "church" whenever I used to question his mother/sister's lifestyles.. I'm glad to see exs speak out, so my son will eventually have acces to this information, in order to make informed decisions. Thanks Back to life! We need more people like you to be able to help more people like them!
Like my son!
# Patricia 2014-06-04 23:36
Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an extremely long comment but after I clicked submit
my comment didn't appear. Grrrr... well I'm not writing all that over again. Anyways,
just wanted to say great blog!

Sorry, but you do not have the right to post comments.

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