Home The destruction of my family
The Destruction of My Family PDF  | Print |  E-mail
Sunday, 13 June 2010 20:50

melissa-parisFollowing are some highlights of my life growing up in the Sea Org and with a Scientology family.  My hope is to bring the type of activity that I experienced to light so that others are not exposed to similar abuse. The experience affected me in an extremely negative way that I am still dealing with to this day.

I was born in Geneva, Switzerland and I lived there with my parents, older sister and younger brother. When I was 4 years old my parents, both Scientologists, divorced and my father got full custody of my sister Valeska, brother Raphael and me.  He decided to join the Sea Org in West Sussex, UK so we moved there and lived in the “housing” provided.  My mom came with us at first but she was told that she couldn’t stay. She told my sister and me that she was going out to get coffee and she simply never came back.

We spent the first night, all 4 of us, on a twin sized mattress that had bugs on it and smelled like urine.  I remember that I was completely homesick, sad and crying because I missed my mom. None of us spoke English which made it so much worse.

The first physical abuse I suffered was at the hands of a woman named Pam Hubbard Beale, no relation to L. Ron Hubbard. I was put in the ballroom of Stonelands (one of the Scientology properties located near East Grinstead) and she closed all the doors and locked all the windows. She then had me run around trying to find a way out until I had exhausted myself. When I finally gave up she proceeded to beat me on the butt. I had just turned 5. This intended to show us kids who was boss.

The people supposedly taking care of us didn’t regard us as children; we were adults in little kid’s bodies, fully aware of the consequences of our actions, and fully responsible, and blameworthy for any result. Any mistake was regarded as a premeditated and deliberate act of destruction.

We were in the Cadet Org, a mini Sea Org org.  We all had posts and were assigned all sorts of manual labor: scrubbing walls, floors, cleaning the toilets, rooms, sweeping etc… not stuff that kids would normally do.

Our cook, John Harvey, would refuse to feed us unless we filled out the sheets saying how good the food was and if we weren’t there at the designated time we definitely didn’t eat.  I guarantee you there were no fat kids in the cadet org. We were all pretty much skin and bones cause we never had enough to eat. One of the clearest memories of my childhood is us kids banding together to steal food. We would put the smallest kids through the pantry or kitchen window and steal whatever food we could get. I was the kid that was normally on lookout. I had no problem putting myself in harm’s way if it meant protecting my older sister who was always one of the gang leaders. I’d stand by the kitchen door and knock till John would come to the door.  When he opened it I’d squirt him with a water gun and then try and dodge his fists as he tried to punch me. I would then run through the house screaming because he always came after me and his punches hurt. I was normally faster than him and could get through to the other side of the house before he could catch me.

When I first came to the Cadet Org we had a governor that watched over the smaller kids. His name was Bo, though I can’t remember his last name now.  He sexually molested some of us, but  when it was reported they just moved him to a different post. No charges were ever filed against him because in Scientology all justice is handled internally. Who cares if kids are getting molested, beaten or raped; it’s still all handled internally.

After Bo we got Dominique and Heather. Dominique was by far the worst governess we had.  I think I became the one kid she hated more than anyone and she decided she was going to break me no matter what. The first time she punched me in the face was when I was 10 years old. I’d been hit before by our other “caregivers” but never hard enough to knock me out. She punched me right in the face. The force of the blow sent me slamming into the wall behind me and I was out. This, like all other incidents was covered up. Bruises and other evidence of abuse were supposedly due to “fighting” between children.

I had a mouth on me as a kid and hated Dominique. I made it a point to show her and Heather that they would never break me. The worst beating they ever gave me was when I was 10 or 11. I was playing upstairs and one of the boys, Oliver Morgan, was making noise in the shower room. Dominique thought it was me and yelled up the stairs at me to be quiet. My response, not thought out at all, was “make me shut up.” As soon as I said it, I knew I’d made a terrible mistake. Dominique came running up the side stairs and Heather came up the main stairs and I was trapped upstairs in between them. I ran down the hallway to try and make it to the 3rd floor so I could escape via the roof.  I didn’t make it. I curled up into a ball as they proceeded to punch and kick me. After that they dragged me through the whole house by my hair and then Dominique threw me down the main stairs head first. I landed in the middle on my shoulder and could feel it dislocate, worst pain ever. I hit the bottom headfirst and slammed my knee into the brick floor. I was barely conscious but they still dragged me by my hair to the side door and threw me outside. They then went and locked all the doors to the house so I couldn’t get in. I was in my pajamas and had no shoes or socks and it was the middle of winter. I still to this day get major panic attacks if I get too cold. I also had to slam my own shoulder back in against a wall. To this day it still pops in and out.

This incident was the ONLY time my dad ever said anything to Dominique about the physical abuse we experienced. I complained to him many times but he did nothing.

My dad was in a car accident when I was 12. One of the people in the car died. One of the staff, John Cronin, thought it would be funny to come and tell me that it was my dad who had died. I was devastated and yet they didn’t tell me the truth several hours. I WAS 12 YEARS OLD!!!!!

That was the last straw for me. I called my Swiss grandma and begged her to book me a ticket to Florida so that I could go live with some friends. I left England.

The above is just a very small snippet of some of the atrocities that were committed in the Cadet Org. I can’t recall the number of times I was hit, knocked unconscious and we wrote reports and yet nothing was ever done about it. We were just future Sea Org members that needed to be molded into “good” SO members which meant breaking us  down into robots. I was unbreakable but I paid a price to maintain my integrity.

A couple of years later, when I was 14, I went on a holiday to England with my sister, who was 16 (and in the Sea Org at Flag) and my brother who was 12. We went to see my step mom, Angela.  While I was there I decided to join the Sea Org in England thinking that this was the right thing to do. Things were very off policy and I could write a whole article about this but won’t at this time. I worked 16 hours a day and did not attend school. I was in the Sea Org till the age of 18 when I left, never to return.

When I was 15 my mother was declared. This is another story in itself, but the short version is that my step father, Albert Jaquier, donated 6 million dollars to the Church and was owed millions of dollars from different Scientologists who he had loaned money to in order for them to buy church services.  He was in bad health and was not making money due to his condition. He tried for years through the Church to get the money owed him by these Scientologists returned.  Nothing happened, despite him writing to David Miscavige for help and getting no response and becoming the target and sent to ethics. He was not allowed to use the court system to get his money back as he was told this was "off policy." In the end he was so distraught and miserable that he committed suicide, leaving behind a 6 year old boy. This was a man who was a self made millionaire and he died in total despair and sadness with not a penny to his name. He asked my mother before he died to help get the scene sorted out with the Church and to make his story known.  There are many more details, but I am not writing a book at this point so I am only covering the basics. As I said earlier my mother went to Switzerland, to the local org and asked to have a Chaplains Court to get the money returned.  Of course, they took NO responsibility for their crimes but instead sued my mother and tried to get her jailed for "blackmail" because she provided evidence to the state concerning her husband’s death.  The case went all the way to the Swiss Supreme Court and of course, the church lost as she had done nothing wrong.

The result of this was that my sister (17 at the time), brother (13 at the time) and me were ORDERED to disconnect from our mother or we would be declared SP's and kicked out of the Church and we would also lose our father and step mother. Not knowing what else to do and being convinced that this was the right thing to do we all disconnected from my mother who we all loved very much. As a note my father was living in the States and divorced from my step mom, my brother and I were living in the UK with our step mother but no actual parent and my sister was living in Florida in the Sea Org by herself with no parent or legal guardian and had been since the age of 14.

When I left the Sea Org I came to the US and moved in with my father and brother Raphael.  My father’s wife and I had some disagreements and they forced me out. I lived in a very dangerous part of Chicago by myself in an apartment.  This was scary for me and I was not enjoying life.  I was invited to Scotland to see some friends and when it was time to go back to Chicago I could not bear the thought of returning to the life I had led. I called my Swiss Grandma, (on my mothers side) and begged her to let me come and live with her. My father got the news that I had done this and called me and let me know that he was disconnecting from me because I was in communication with my grandma who was connected to my "SP" mother. I was devastated by this, this was my father and I was 18 years old!  I love my father and could not believe that he would do this.

I went to Switzerland and stayed with my grandma for a few weeks, I then flew to Florida and went and lived with my mother. I got a job and met my future husband, Joe. I was living with my mother for a few months before I moved into my own place with Joe. He had a baby boy who I have raised for the past 10 years. I got a college degree and continued working. I was visited by OSA Flag and ordered to disconnect from my mother or I would be declared an SP and would lose my father, brother, sister and step mom. They tried to get me to come into Flag but I did not want to and did not want to disconnect from my own mother.

I did not hear from the Church for a while and was living my life, working hard and getting top grades in my education.  My husband and I had a baby girl.  When my baby was one month old I got an SP declare in my mail box from the Church of Scientology declaring me for being connected with my mother!  No Comm Ev was done. This resulted in my father, brother and sister all disconnecting from me, not because they wanted to but because they had to.  Over the years my brother has had communication with me on the Internet and then cut the line because he had to or he would get in trouble with the Church and be declared.

In Sept 2009 I got a phone call from my sister who had left the Sea Org and wanted to get my situation sorted out so that our family could be put back together, I was in agreement with this and requested a Comm Ev. This took months and months with nothing being done even though a Comm Ev is supposed to take 48 hours. My sister stayed in comm with me and my brother also got in comm with me. At Christmas I went to see my brother in LA and we spent the day together, this was great and he  expressed how much he had missed me, he also asked to call my mother and was very happy to talk to her and let her know that he had a photo in his wallet of her and my half brother and had had it there all of these past 15 years that he had not been allowed to talk to my mom.

I went home and then the shit hit the fan!  My brother called Angela, my step mom growing up, and told her what had happened.  She is in the Sea Org in England and told him that this was off policy and quoted the reference from OEC volume 1.  Raphael went and spoke to CMO terminals in LA who told him that my idea of being in comm with my sister was "disapproved!"  He was then sent to see OSA Int in LA who ORDERED him to disconnect from me and take me off Facebook within 24 hours or he would never get his Bridge and would be declared an SP.  So my brother, not knowing what is really right and being scared, took me off Facebook and has not spoken to me since.

My sister refused to disconnect from me.  This resulted in my father and brother both disconnecting from her. By the way my sister is pregnant, very nice to have that happen when you are pregnant!!!!  My sister has email from our dad where he states he will never be able to see his granddaughter (my daughter who by the way does not understand why she can't see her granddad and is quite hurt by this) and now he probably wont be able to meet his grandson (my sister’s boy).

I recently lost about 50 friends on Facebook, these were all "Scientologists" in the "Church."  One of my friends who was not willing to disconnect from me and whom I wont mention by name sent me an email telling me that the MAA in England had sent a broad email to all Scientologists in the UK letting them know that I had been redeclared an SP and that they all needed to disconnect from me.  Of course I got no copy of the Comm Ev since the Church is infested with lies and has to cover themselves at all costs and take no responsibility for the lives that they have ruined with their insane off-policy actions and robotic followings of a crazy self-appointed dictator, David Miscavige.

I have kept quiet for the past 10 years but after seeing the outright lies that the Church has told over the past 6 months including that there is no such thing as disconnection, I decided to speak out and tell a short version of my story.

I hope this helps get the truth out. Although, I have to say, it is quite obvious who is lying. It would be a lot easier for the Church to just come clean and take responsibility for their crimes and change their ways and their corrupt, criminal cowardly leader who has twisted any sense of policy and turned the Church into a suppressive extortionist organization where no one has a right to an opinion and where lives are ruined to keep his crimes covered up.

But the truth will come out in the end, just like it has in our entire history.

Written by Melissa Paris


# TheEmperorIsNaked 2010-06-13 22:32
So sorry you had to go through that crap! But what a resilient, wonderful thetan you are. This was a sad story, but also a story of triumph. You are not and never will be a slave.

Thanks for telling your story. It serves as a wake up call to Scn parents.
# George 2010-06-14 01:32
Melissa, this is one horror story. I had kids in the Cadet Org too, and I can confirm what you said from the "other side", as a parent: I myself had disconnected from a declared kid (yes, I did this too - same reasons as you described - thanks god I'm reconnected but I did something I would never never ever have done on my own - to put it bluntly, at that point I was a coward, regardless what the circumstances were); us parents would NOT demand improvement in the Cadet Org even though the conditions demanded it and parents had a real problem with it. After I was declared it took me a year or so to even look at a site opposed to the "Church of Miscarriage" still hanging on to the thought that one can get justice in that Miscarriage-system of justice. The Church of Miscarriage has so many trusting, well-meaning and devoted (and blind) members who had gained from LRH tech - just as I did - (actual Scientology) that they put up with so much Miscarriage of tech and policy and make themselves believe it was necessary (while hoping it soon will change). I hope and believe your story will open a few eyes (I know, to the dedicated blind it's toooooo incredible and entheta ... but some will open their eyes). George
# Guest 2010-06-14 06:14
Bravo Melissa. What a powerful Being you are. Your story is heartwrenching and provokes all kinds of emotions inside of me. I thank my lucky stars I didn't grow up in the sea org and I thank my lucky stars I have no family in there and your story, like so many others, inspires me to continue to speak out and to not stop until all this is exposed. Thank you for standing up and being counted.
# TRUTH 2010-06-14 07:09
Dear Mellissa, Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking story (truth). I am just speechless.

I am so proud to hear that you are now a beautiful mom and have rejoined with your mom and sister. Well done for having such a high integrity.

You are absolutely right. The truth will come out and you will again rejoin with your brother and father. I am sure of that.

Thank you for being strong. Keep it up.

# Heather 2010-06-14 09:01
Dear Melissa, there is an incredible amount of heartache and pain in your story. And it is devastating that the pain continues even today. I hope that you feel some sense of relief after telling your story, and I'm praying that it won't be long until your family is reunited. You are not alone. I hope you feel the reality that you are part of a growing community of people who know the reality of life in the Sea Org and life having been declared. You are not an SP. You are a woman with a feisty spirit who was not broken by the bullies.

I send you much love and grace.
# Fidelio 2010-06-14 09:23

thank you for speaking out. Whereas the shit hits the fan royally in the US, Europe is still relatively "quiet", so to me you are sort of a European pioneer opening up on abuses at
St. Hill.

(Please, correct me if I am wrong on that impression and refer me respectively.)

You are so right: The truth is unstoppable. Thank you for your courage!!
Best, Fidelio
# Natalie Hagemo 2010-06-14 09:29
Thanks for sharing what happened Melissa. I feel for you and your family. This is another example of how families, and children are regarded by the Church of Scientology under the leadership of David Miscavige.

I'll look for you on facebook ;-)
# lunamoth 2010-06-14 09:41

Wow, this leaves me breathless. And what strength you have, and had even as a child!

The situation you found yourself in growing up sounds like a nightmare. The sort of thing that, when reading it in a Dickens novel I would not conceive could be going on in the civilized world today.

Thank you for bringing your experience to light, and showing how utterly anti-child and anti-family the organization known as the "church" has become.
# Virgil Samms 2010-06-14 11:08
Melissa, you are my kind of person!!

Thank you very much for writing this amazing story. It must have hurt to write it, but you are doing mankind a service getting this truth out.

Hang in there a little more and continue your comm. We will be out of this mess shortly.

we need more people to step forward like this and tell their story. The more we get the closer we get to the end.

ML Tom
# Sinar 2010-06-14 12:51

Thank you for your story, which took a bit of guts to tell - had no idea how rough it was and the injustices which abound to grow up in the SO. Knew Valeska from the Freewinds and Chris from the Int base. Had no idea what you and Valeska went through!

I wish smoother sailing for you and your family!
# BRAD 2010-06-14 13:07
I must say that I admire your grit, tenacity and pure force of will. I am so glad that you have found the love, happiness and fulfillment that you were denied as a child. Children are thetans in small bodies indeed, but they need nuturing and a stable, loving environment above all else. Your child is blessed to have the love and guidance of a mother who has the character and will to provide just such and environment.
Thank you for your story of courage and triumph.
# Mareka James 2010-06-14 15:00

I'm sorry that you and your family suffered so much. You have definitely taken the correct path in righting the wrongs and ensuring that this sort of destruction and human abuse does not freely occur again.

Thank you for your story and for speaking out, it takes much courage to do so and I know you have that a plenty. I remember you well from the Stonelands days. Feisty and quick to talk back, I remember that too :-) I'm glad they didn't break you!

Lots of love
+1 # pedro 2010-06-14 16:35
first of all. what a horrible upbringing you had forced upon you--no child should ever have to go through that... i feel terrible for the shit you've had to go through.

second of all, what the hell is everyone smoking? who in their right god damn mind looks at this "religion" as a totally awesome way of life? i should probably say that i think all religion is absurd and counter-intuitive, but this is happening now? in the year 2010? bloody hell that's so fucked up! who would choose this way of life?

i feel awful for the amount of tragedy you've had to endure. i feel very guilty that i've lived a great life with lots of love and freedom from religious shackles and you've had to live in fear without contact with your family. people, the church of scientology is a cult and the people behind it are lunatics! everybody dies the same way, please understand that! we all rot in the ground no matter what higher being we've been told to believe in. just enjoy your life to the fullest because it's the only one you get!
# Kirsi 2010-06-14 16:36
Melissa, thanks so much for sharing, as you say, snippets of your life with us. Good God! "Dave Destroy Destroy then Deny Deny Deny´s" legacy spoken out in here. His hatred towards families is compulsive and goes on unchecked as has the BP oil spill.

You are one heck of a brave lady. Peace to you and your family.
# AnotherJeff 2010-06-14 16:47
There will be vindication.... DMs life and all his minions will soon be 'destroyed' too. ;-)
# Alice 2010-06-15 00:03
Melissa, thanks a lot for your story.
What a mess! Since you survived all of that, you must be strong. Keep going.
When I saw her last I felt that Angela would need some help. But then she was suddenly not visible anymore. Your story helps to shed some light into the "background". Is she still in the Sea Org in St. Hill?
# Carol 2010-06-21 18:00
Melissa, Thank you for sharing your story.
My god ...I am so happy you and your Sister are back in communication. What happened to your family is criminal. This is not a church, it is a slave camp. I have not read anything this disturbing in quite sometime.

I pray for your family and know that in the end the truth will come out and the lies and criminal actions will stop. My heart goes out to you and your entire family. You will have a life full of love and peace I know it.
# Cured Robot 2010-06-21 18:09
Wouldn't it be nice to have a huge binder of testimonials of all the forced disconnections and broken families. Then this can be circulated amongst all the non-Scientology relatives to expose what the CofM has done to tear apart their loved ones and families. I understand that people disconnect irregardless of any religion as there really are some true SP's out there i.e., DM, Hitler, etc, that literally will destroy your life, but these SP declares happening under DM are such hogwash they cease to have any significance anymore......it should be made well known the lies and upon lies upon lies DM/OSA stoops to these stupid declares. Maybe it could even be a website dedicated to testimonies of this type.
-1 # Melissa 2010-06-21 19:43
Hey Alice,

When I was getting my comm-ev that was never finished, I was told my a CMO Int lady by the name of Mariane that all Cadet Orgs had been closed down due to how bad stonelands was! Well turns out that that was a lie, Angela runs the Cadet Org at Saint Hill which is why she disapeared. I'm sure they want to keep her off the front lines so that we don't have a chance to speak to her. Hop that answers your question :-) thanks for the kind words by the way :-)
# Alice 2010-06-23 04:43
Thanks. That explains it. I did not perceive Angela as being a very submissive person. So I think, one day she will look behind the curtain and speak up, then.
Those words - this is what I think and feel. ^^
-5 # Pamela Hubbard-Beale 2010-07-20 07:20
[Hello. I just read your message about me abusing you when you were 5 years old. Are you sure and positive that I did that? Are you sure and positive that Dominique and Heather also did that. John Cronin has since passed so he cannot defend himself. When I am in the States I would like to meet you and discuss this as I would like to know what I did to you. I am sorry for all your troubles. We all went through a bad time because of the suppression on the lines from 'the management' I am a very ethical person and like to get things straight for the record and I don't like lies being told about me. I don't care if you are a declared SP. What does that mean? It seems to me that nearly everyone who is not with 'the management' is an SP. Please let me know if I did do this to you as I wish to clarify the situation. If this is not true please correct this on your website. I routed out correctly on a routing out form, I had a leaving sec-check and I paid my freeloader bill. If I had mistreated any child then it would have shown up on the sec-check, so please make sure you have facts correct and straight. Regards Pamela Hubbard-Beale.
-1 # pamela hubbard-beale 2010-07-20 07:25
Hello once again. I just wanted you to know that my husband also got declared as an SP 20 years ago. I still to this day do not know what he did. He had a stroke 2 and a half years ago and he is permanently in a care home. I still think that he went downhill because of the wrong indication as he was in Affluence when he got escorted off the base at St. Hill. I cannot believe that there can be so many people who only wanted to help can be SPs. I know that David only wanted to help. I know that if it wasn't for David and him paying for my auditing I would be dead now because I was involved in a car accident and I broke my neck. Please let me know what I did to you as if I did harm you then I am truly sorry and apologize unreservedly. Pamela.
+1 # Melissa 2010-07-20 16:55

Oh yes, I'm more then sure of what you did because it made me decide that I'd never be broken!!! Dominique and Heather were horrible to us kids and you know it. I put a tiny little snippet of us kids lives in my article. I can talk about the "hole", the childrens RPF, the endless beatings, the mental and emotional abuse. I appreciate your apology but I didn't lie and I'll def be writing more. This is my life, my family that was destroyed by people that thought they had the right to control and abuse us. I have practically no family due to the Sea Org and the scientologists that are in the Sea Org. I'm not trying to be harsh but 19 years of abuse, neglect, and lies is ENOUGH!!! I'm sorry that your life hasn't been easy but I remember you clear as day!!!
-3 # pamela hubbard-beale 2010-07-22 04:44
Melissa, I invite you to come and see me when I am in the States and I would like you to do the same thing to me that I did to you so that will help you with your healing process. It doesnt matter if you think you will hurt me or not but I want you to get your upset off on me and hopefully that will be a relief for you so you can carry on with your life as obviously you seem to have a lot of upset on that and I want to clear it up as I dont like messy situations like this kicking around. I like to get to the truth and will. You have had a bad time in Scientology and I think that is terrible and If I have been part of that then that too is terrible as it makes me feel really bad. I want to help you feel better about your life, so if you allow me to do this then that will be good for you and me. Pamela.
-2 # pamela hubbard-beale 2010-07-21 01:03
Thank you for your message. I can only apologise once again. I am glad that I am out of that cult and feel very embarrassed that I was in it for so long. I can honestly say that I did not know about any beatings and did not see any beatings but I was the cook for a long time. I think its disgusting that that took place. I feel really bad for you and can only hope that you can have a happy life from now on. I wasnt trying to say that you lied - I was just trying to sort out in my mind what happened as I couldnt believe that Dominique and Heather would do that as I nevr saw them beat any child. I have to take your word for it and I accept that. Why didnt your dad tell me all about these beatings? Did they get reported? I have to get both sides reports. If I had known I would have done something about it as I was always writing knowledge reports. I am not in Scientology any more and havent been for 20 years as i was told that I was out ethics for getting pregnant. I have finished with all that but I do want to make amends for any bad behaviour that I was involved in. Yes, even I have had lies told to me. Once again, I did not know that any beatings went on. You have to believe me. I am an honest upstanding citizen of the United Kingdom and believe in truth, honesty and freedom of speech. I am very sorry for what happened to you and your family and will always endeavour to make things right for you. Regards and apologies. Pamela.
-2 # pamela hubbard-beale 2010-07-21 01:09
Just in casse you didnt get the last message because I didnt type in Notify on the contact details I wish to apologise once again unreservedly. I didnt know about the beatings. You have my word on that. I just wish you peace and happiness for your future and hope that one day you can forget all the ugliness that went on. I am pleased that I am no longer connected to that cult which it is.I had no idea that Dominique and Heather were beating the children otherwise I would have reported it. That is the truth. I do believe you and feel very bad about what happened to you. I am very sorry for everything that happened to you and I am well pleased not to belong to a suppressive group any more. Pamela.
-3 # pamela hubbard-beale 2010-07-21 02:26
One more thing - remember that i had two children in the cadet org myself - Kurt and Gema. If they had seen beatings they would have told me about it, so did you get the beatings behind closed doors? I certainly would have reported these beatings as I was always writing Knowledge Reports, as that is the ony way I could survive myself. Because if you see something or know about something and you dont report it yourself, then you are just as guilty as the perpetrator. If I ever see Heather or Dominique I will certainly question them about these beatings and tell them it wasnt ok. I just want to leave you with a feeling of happiness and hope you have peace for the family you now have. Thats all I can hope for. Pamela.
-2 # pamela hubbard-beale 2010-07-21 03:41
Just one final word to you Melissa. To prove that I am telling you the truth about not knowing about the 'beatings' that went on, I will go to a Court of Law (in the States if necessary) and sign a sworn affidavit that I did not know of any of these goings-on. My children (who are adults now) will also testify that they did not know of such beatings. My son isf Kurt who now lives in Thailand and Gema who now lives in London. I will even go to a court of law here and swear on the bible that I never saw any heard of such terrible things. All this is true. Pamela
-2 # pamela hubbard-beale 2010-07-21 03:54
When I am in the State can I meet you and apologise to you face to face? I do not know if Heather and Dominique are in the SO but they should apologise too.m I just want to gt to the truth and being as I do not know all he truth then I thought if I meet you you can tell me everything and I will handle it - even though its probably 25 years ago all this happened. I am a stickler for the truth and will own up to anything bad that I did and apologise for it. I only want good things for people and to have happy lives and I hope you can have a happy life from now on. Pamela.
-3 # ANON 2010-07-21 06:57
What a load of crap about being beaten by Pam, Dominique and Heather! The conditions may have been bad, but they cared about the kids a lot! Don't go around spreading lies about people, KARMA will get you in the end!
+1 # ecclesiastes 2010-07-21 11:42
were you there.....do you have experience with how pamela hb treated children......the reason I ask is because it sounds as if you were there...if true, say so
-2 # Anon 2010-07-21 23:49
the reason I am anonymous is for the same reason you are.
# ecclesiastes 2010-07-22 14:51
anon, you are asserting something as true without giving any supportive information like "I was there" or "she is my mother" etc. i am merely reading what you have written and trying to evaluate the validity. if you insist on not providing anything, then what is the point of posting anything? you are probably just tommy "the stinking donkey's butt" davis or some other dm bot in disguise.
besides, pam already admitted to treating the kids the way she was instructed to, spanking the kids and also she was not even there when most of the real abuse took place.
i don't think pam was a major player, she seems to be a victim herself.
-1 # pamela hubbard-beale 2010-07-23 02:23
Yes, I was only carrying out orders. If children were naughty we used the LRH tech on spanking. It didnt occur much by the way. I nevr saw any beatings from Dominique or Heather because they were OK when I was there. I left the SO in November 1987 so anything that happened after that I cant vouch for. Its digusting that all that happened afterwards.Obviously its true because Melissa sister has confirmed it. I am so pleased that I have left the cult and feel embarrassed that I used to belong to it, even though it wasnt half as bad as it is now. I havent been in contact with anyone in Scientology for 20 years but I am now going to help people gain justice for what happened to them as I feel so strongly about all the crimes. That is going to be my life's goal from now on. Truth will prevail in the end. I didnt even know Miscaviage (miscarriage of justice) was in charge until a few months ago. Hes not going to get the better of me because I'm going to strive for the truth. Regards and thanks for standing for the truth. Pamela.
-3 # pamela hubbard-beale 2010-07-22 04:36
the way I treated children in the SO is the way we were expected and asked to treat children. When you are in the SO you are expected to carry out certain duties and functions. I did this accord to a checksheet and LRH tech. If that didnt go according to the tech, then obviously I must have been brainwashed. But in no way did I bully, beat and mishandle or manhandle children in a way that I thought would be improper. Please do not imply(when you dont even know me) that I misteated the children otherwise I am going to get very annoyed as this simply wasnt so. Were you there to see how the children got handled? If you werent there then you cant possibly comment. I also had a lot of horrible things said and done to me by adults which I wouldnt go ranting and raving about all over the internet because I wouldnt want those terminals to have their names put in black and while when they cant defend themselves. I handled the children to the best of my capabilities , knowledge and complied with LRH tech and advice from my terminals at the time. If anybody knew me at that time and feels strongly enough to disagree with me then please let me know as I will handle this with sane communication. it isnt very nice when someone accuses you of something in writing which is from 25 years ago and you now have to handle it from an ex scientology viewpoint. By the way, I was brainwashed you know. When you are brainwahsed into a cult yo go along with everything because you might not even realise that you have been brainwashed, until like me (20 years after I left) that I actually in fact had been. Were you in the SO? If so then you might have reality on what I am talking about. If not, then please do not say too much as you are just an outsider looking in. Pamela.
-3 # pamela hubbard-beale 2010-07-21 09:46
I have decided to come over to the States and sort this matter out. Just let me know which solicitor's office you want me to come to and I will be there. I will sign a sworn signed affidavit stating that categorically over the 9 years that i was in the Sea Org I never saw any beatings of any kind. Ok you might have a problem with me and maybe I did wack your butt but if I did I would only have been using the LRH tech which states that you can smack a child on his/her backside in a room with no-one else. I dont remember this but you were a child and I'm not going to say that you are wrong or a liar because I wouldnt want to do that. But two things are not quite right. ou You state that I locked the windows and the doors. The windows did not lock in the ballrooom and there was only one door so I have to state my case on that one. The LRH tech is in Child Dianetics. I am no longer in Scientology but I would back Dominique and Heather up because I believe in TRUTH HONESTY AND PERSONAL INTEGRITY. I know you had a hard time with your family - but so did we. A lot of people did. Let me know which solicitor's office you want me to meet you and I'll be there. Pamela.
-1 # Juan Durful 2010-07-21 11:33
Was the smacking of backsides (per Child Dianetics) a normal thing, i.e., part of your hatting as a nanny?
-2 # pamela hubbard-beale 2010-07-22 00:08
Thank you for your very sane reply. Yes, I probably did do things in the Cadet Org which I never ever would elsewhere. Now I have been out for 20 years I can see how brainwashed I was. I have realised what happens when you enter the SO. You no longer are yourself but you belong to the cult. You no longer have your self-determinism, your own character, your own beingness but you are some sort of robot who just goes along with the flow of things. I did try and be a good person and help but obviously - not being in control of my own life anymore - I may have done things which would probably seem bad now. It is very embarrassing for me to know that I used to go along with the ways and thoughts of the cult and it is only until about 2 months ago - since looking on the internet - that I have found that out. To anyone else who has a disagreement with me - what you need to know is that I was not my self - not fully in control of my own life. I now am and feel relieved that I was on the verge of becoming fully brainwashed to the point of no return. I hope I didnt do anything too bad or upset too many people. I can only apologise and feel sorry for the people still in the cult because they may be at the point of no return because their minds are not their own any more. I did not know about Dominique or Heather and thats sterrible that happened to Melissa but I must say - in my favour - if I had done anything really bad then I wouldnt have been allowed on public lines after I routed out. I routed out properly, I paid my Freeloader Bill, I had a leaving sec-check and tried to be a good Scientologist. I never ever knew that David Miscaviage was in charge until 2 months ago. IU realise now when I look back at gthe fact that when you are in Scientology and in the SO you (me) think its great and wonderful and the right thing to be doing but its totally wrong to think that because that is far from the truth. In fact Melissa putting that on her website caused me a lot of stress to think that maybe I could have done that (obviously she says I did) but now I realaise that I have to help people who have been distressed by the cult and will go out of my way (maybe anonymously) to help people get back in control of their own lives once again. I am not trying to excuse anything bad that was done but I am just stating a fact that that is what happened. Scientology tried to make people good but ended up making people go the other way. If someone reads this and they disagree with me, then I am sorry but that is how I feel. I think its terrible what Dominique (and Heather?) did. Thank goodness I am out of the cult and nearly unbrainwashed (it can take years maybe) Regards to you and your new family life. Pamela.
# pamela hubbard-beale 2010-07-23 02:30
Yes, it was in the Nanny Hat checksheet I did. By the way, this didnt occur very often as this is going back 30 years ago. I left the SO in November 1987 so I dont know what happened after that. I am disgusted at all the beatings, bullying etc. that went on.I am glad I am no longer connected to that cult with Hitler Miscaviage at the helm. He will get whats coming to him - dont worry about that. It may take a while but the truth will come out in the end. Im going to help to get justice for all the crimes that have been committed. I feel so strongly about this that I am going to do something about it. I think its terrible what happened to Melissa and her family. No wonder she has upsets - I dont blame her - I would be the same. If I did anything bad to anyone, then I am sorry but I was only following orders and I was brainwashed. Lucky I got out. Thanks for your thoughts. Pamela.
+1 # Valeska Guider 2010-07-21 15:27
Hey ANON, why don't you put your name down instead of hiding behind ANON. The beating from Heather and Dominique apsolutely happened. When Melissa was pulled down through the corridore by her hair and then pushed down the stairs and locked outside. I was at Sainthill at the time and came home with my dad and saw her beaten. My dad knows about that too. Pam, you were no longer in the Sea Org when this happened, in fact you were long gone by this time and I know it got a lot worse after you left. Dominique was declared an SP and lives in France with her husband, she got declared as she blew when to be with him. He got kicked out for spying on the girl Cadets, putting a camera in their room and watching them change and getting off on that. Obviously this was not reported to the law but he was Fitness Borded out. Heather is still in the Sea Org at Saint Hill. So you missed quite a lot of what happened there. I am sure you can sort it out with Melissa.

And ANON to say that the nannies cared about as kids a lot os a complete joke! Why don't you come out with your name, you were probably never in the Cadet Org!
+1 # Melissa Paris 2010-07-22 19:40
Hi, I didn't want you to think that I was ignoring your messages, I work with troubled/CPS/juvenile kids and its shift work so I don't leave there for 4 days. I appreciate the apologises, honestly when the really bad stuff happened you had already left and u were actually one of the better nannies that we had. I have no animosity towards you at all, I have talked to Gemma also and I think that she's great, you obviously are a very good mother and there was only that one incident with you that I recall. I am sure that you would have said something if you had seen what took place after you left. My dad knew about a lot of the incidents and he never said or did anything! Hence even if he hadn't disconnected from me, I still wouldn't talk to him. Heather and Dominique were a completely different matter. My sister replied above and she was there and knows what happened too.

To Anon, hey if you have something to say then don't be a little bitch about it, state who you are and give us some facts as to what your basing your comments on. Yeah Karma's a bitch and my sister explained what happened to Dominique and Jeremy. I'm doing amazinly well, wheres my karma?!?!!

I'm pretty sure that Pam explained how they were told to treat us extra...... Thanks for that by the way. I have amazing respect for you for coming on here and writing what you did and apologising.

Again, I appreciate all the support from people on here and I have no problem with people having an opinion, I wrote what I did so that people could understand what kind of people and what kind of cult this is, the fact that so many have responded is great. If anyone has any questions for me then please ask! THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE!!!!!
-1 # pamela hubbard-beale 2010-07-23 02:45
Thank you Melissa. I cannot believe that that happened to you because I left the SO in November 1987 so I just dont know what happened after that. All I know is that I had a lucky escape. I just cant believe all the beatings went on that is why I was so shocked but from now on I am going to make it my life's goal (I am not sure how yet but I am) to get justice for those people who has been so badly mistreated in Scientology. When I left East Grinstead we moved away in 1990 and I went to work in a childrens' school for a while and I got checked out by the Police so I mustnt be all that bad otherwise they wouldnt have let me work with children. I am not perfect by any means and I will admit that but I was only following the rules at that time. By the way there werent too many spankings and it would have only been on the bottom, per LRH tech. Nowadays the law has changed in the UK and you are not allowed to spank your child or children. I was always writing Knowledge Reports when I was in the SO - in fact I was renowned for it - so that is why I couldnt understand what was being said about Dominique and Heather. I have only recently been going on the internet in the last 2 months. I havent had any contact with Scientology for 20 years. I am so sorry about your step father. He was a lovely, kind man. I met him once and you could tell how lovely he was. I am sorry about what happened to your mum. Miscaviage is a total Suppressive person. At the end when David got declared I just thought that it was us who were 'out ethics' but now I realise that we were OK and Miscaviage is trying to get rid of all the good guys. Yes, you are right, the Truth will set you Free. I do represent the truth and I willl help to fight against the evil that planet earth has had the misfortune to be afflicted with. Once again, I apologise for all the terrible things that happened to you and your family and can only hope that you have a lovely life from now on with peace and happiness, especially Valeska and your mum. Regards Pamela.
# wes silva 2010-08-03 03:19
Hi Pam,

I am an old friend of your son kurt when he was in Thailand. We worked together in Nakorn Si Thammarat years ago. We lost contact so could you let him know I am looking for him and would love to catch up. Can you ask him to email me please. Many thanks.
# wes silva 2010-09-28 14:37
Hi Pam,were you able to pass on my request to Kurt?
# sarah 2011-02-26 10:04
I'm currently a student at the University of Leeds researching a hypothetical documentary about cults in the UK. Your story is really interesting and relevant to our research, would you be willing to talk to us about your experience? All research is confidential, can be anonymous and will only be seen by my tutor and other group members as the documentary will not actually be made.
Would really appreciate hearing from you.
Please email me at
-2 # Raf Paris 2011-04-06 23:40
I was at Saint hill longer than Melissa and Valeska as they both left when they were 14 for Val and 15 for Melissa... I was never beaten or anything of the sort.. i do remember getting beaten up by Melissa on numberous occasions and Valeska having to protect me alot...Melissa used to steal money, food and other things and have me help her... Ok I think I got spanked once by Pam but it didn't hurt and i had deserved it.. I was thankful for my upbringing and am feel like my sisters are taking stuff out of context that was true and exaggerating what really happened.. It wasn't perfect by any means but it wasn't bad... i got a good education and have a great career.. I didn't like Domenque much but once she was found out she was declared... So that's on an indivual not a whole religion... maybe don't take the actions of a few and blame a religion... Thats what I think... All new group have growing pains
+1 # Thoughtful 2011-04-07 11:25
You got a "good education"? Yet you can't spell, don't know grammar, don't know the rules of punctuation. That's called illiteracy man! We aren't talking about "growing pains." You're trying to excuse child abuse as "growing pains"? Are you crazy? What world do you inhabit, Mr. Zombie? You're just proving the point. Plus, we aren't "blaming a religion" we are exposing the individual at the top who -- by his orders, and by cross-ordering LRH -- created these scenarios whereby raising children becomes abusive because NO importance it given to it and parents on staff aren't allowed to take care of their own children. That's not growing pains and saying that isn't "blaming a religion." Maybe if you stopped listening to your OSA handlers and opened your own eyes, you'd understand what's going on here and stop being a tool of a suppressive person.
# Rob Thomas 2011-08-12 08:57

I was in Chicago Org briefly with my ex wife Tina. Do yu remember me? Are yu out yet?

Sorry, but you do not have the right to post comments.

Who's Online

We have 266 guests online


Content View Hits : 8511202

Support this website

Help keep truth flowing out.

Bookmark, Share


Massive Ponzi Scheme

"So, on the model of an elaborate Ponzi scheme, Scientologists are coerced to 'invest' in the dissemination of Scientology... The Cob makes a show of carrying through, but in reality he pulls the funding..."  Learn More...

$70 Million Fraud

"The money is still coming in (approximately $70 million so far). The bank interest is about $200,000 per month and there is still over $200,000 in new donations per month... so you can see the strategy here..."  Learn More...

$100 Million Swindle

"The total amount spent to build his own office building (for Little Dickie and the few staff he has remaining) was right around $70 million... He spent another $30 million on the house next door (which is unoccupied)..."  Learn More...



"Specifically, on four separate occasions The Cob physically assaulted and violently battered individuals in my presence, sending a strong message that anyone in the room was likely to be next. Three other times he threw heavy objects at me or at my staff..."  Learn More...


"Assaulting staff members at the Int base became routine with many individuals being physically attacked over and over and over again. We are talking about repeated blows to the face, choking, dragging to the ground, ripping clothes, hitting with heavy objects and so forth..."  Learn More...

Human Trafficking


"Only when you see the history as well as the present will you see the whole picture, the fingerprints, the moving force behind it all and its sheer madness..."  Learn More...


"staff are "off-loaded" to far flung areas to work in "small, failing" organizations, bereft of their spouses and families..." Learn More...


"Little Dickie in his twisted sociopath mind sees normal, productive people as “threatening” and therefore sees a need to destroy them..."  Learn More...


"According to David Miscavige, demonstrated by his own actual statistics, 98% of the population is suppressive..."  Learn More...


Climate of Fear - Reign of Terror

"Ever-increasing savage actions created a climate of fear. You could be screamed at, ridiculed, spat on, embarrassed, threatened ferociously or beaten. You could lose Scientology, your friends, family, parents, split off from your spouse, no money, no job, cast out into the world penniless and alone if you ever dream of defying The Cob" Learn More...


"For example, through his destructive policies Miscavige forced hundreds of female Sea Org members at International Management to get abortions when they got pregnant. When the media started to investigate that, he came up with the solution: he ordered that husbands and wives at International Management get divorced...."  Learn More...


Shaking Down Scientologists for Cash

"Through his programs and subverted staff he extorts Scientologists into 'donating' huge sums of money, forcing thousands into debt. It's a protection racket no different from thugs 'shaking down' local business owners for cash. His specialty is crushing people..."  Learn More...

How Church Financials Really Work

"It's a lot more viable to chase down millionaires who will donate $10 million for a hand shake, some applause and a metal pin. It's not a matter of saving the planet and all the poor suffering people... it's 'Where's the BIG, FAT, EASY MONEY?' -- that's what we're talking about!..."  Learn More...


Tax Exemption by Blackmail

"Miscavige bragged that he collared the IRS Commissioner Fred Goldberg in the hallway outside his IRS office and threatened to expose him. Private investigators hired by Miscavige had caught Fred in some unethical activity. Miscavige told Fred if he didn’t cooperate, he’d immediately ruin him with full-page ads in USA Today..."  Learn More...

Extortion of a Federal Official

"He also bragged to a number of staff who were close to him about how he illegally obtained information which he was able to use to blackmail the IRS official who granted the church tax exemption..."  Learn More...


Annie Tidman: Imprisoned for 2 Years

"Annie Broeker Tidman, Hubbard's personal assistant right up to the time of his death, realized that Miscavige was systematically and forcefully taking over the church. She attempted to escape to rejoin her husband but was caught and brought back to California, isolated and kept under guard on a remote property for over 2 years..."  Learn More...

Sadism in the SP Hall

"His most infamous sadistic moment was when he told them they were going to play 'musical chairs' and only the last person to get a chair would stay and the rest would vanish without even a chance to say good-bye to friends and family, husbands or wives. The game went on for hours as staff wept bitter tears. This delighted The Cob."  Learn More...


Lisa McPherson's Demise

"Miscavige said he knew what was wrong and proceeded to write three paragraphs on what was to be said to this girl. The staff wondered how The Cob was even qualified to supervise auditing and even if he was, why hadn't he studied the folders first? The girl's name was Lisa McPherson and you know the rest."  Learn More...

Night of the Living Dead

"Moments later came a wail of inhuman agony unlike anything I have every heard in my lifetime, before or since. The screams were so incredibly loud. Louder than any sounds I could imagine a human could make. They filled the sky and the valley and my lonely office. 20 or 30 minutes they lasted..."  Learn More...



Discover what people really say about all things Scientology

Shocking, unbiased consumer reviews covering every Scientology book, lecture, course, auditing level, organization and program — more than 300 in all. Probe the depths or write your own honest reviews.

Click to see Scientology Reviews

The Voice of iScientology


An answer to the corrupt monopoly of Scientology

This website is a simple answer to those who tried to monopolize and corporatize spiritual freedom: An open gateway dedicated to helping people move up to higher levels of awareness and ability under their own steam.

Click to visit iScientology.org

31 Factors for Scientologists to Consider

The Pertinent Manifesto"Scientology has been taken over by a self-appointed dictator, David Miscavige, who has turned the Creed of the Church of Scientology, the Code of a Scientologist, and the Credo of a True Group Member on their heads and instituted the virtual practice of Reverse (Black) Dianetics..."  Learn More...

Opinion poll

Is David Miscavige a crook?
Website conceived, designed and optimized for search engines by Logo for Steve Hall Creative, Web Designer in Dallas, Texas