When I left the Church I decided to never look back. Since I had spent the better part of my life in what felt like a complete insane asylum and, even worse, since I had not helped one single human being in at least 10 years, I decided not to spend one more day of my life regurgitating the subject. The fact that I am free to help others and be of value to humanity is far more important to me than putting things right with the Church.
However, reading and watching the media on the subject has made me furious because of the way the Church is denying all allegations that are made against David Miscavige.
I am fortunate to know people of different professions, ages and beliefs through my job. People who have never been involved with Scientology. They all say the same thing: that it is impossible that so many people are now coming out and telling the same story without any truth to the matter -- and that if just a fraction of what they are saying is true then the Church needs a major overhaul. They are outraged that the Church is trying to intimidate those who are speaking out. I just watched people who I used to know and who I personally saw being slapped, punched, sleep deprived, humiliated and more by David Miscavige, deny it all on national TV in front of millions of people. It not only infuriated me, it made me wonder what drives someone to become so mindless? What will be next? Will they drink cyanide-laced Kool Aid? I should know at least part of the answer, because I was there for over 20 years.
I also had this idea that because I myself was part of the yelling, shoving and threatening of people I didn't really have much of a right to blame others. In retrospect that view is so wrong and it's probably one of the biggest factors that people don't speak out. While there was always shouting, threats and heated arguments in the management of Scientology, as long as I was part of it, there is simply no doubt that the level of violence and atrocities has escalated to an all time high under the regime of David Miscavige. It's the first time I myself saw people being slapped, slammed to the floor, strangled and beaten as well as locked up and ridiculed to such extent that it became actual torture.
So, to join the many who are speaking out, here are some of the things I personally witnessed while working for almost 20 years at the Int Base of the Church of Scientology. These are the human rights violations that I saw with my own eyes while there. I am sure that most of this has been covered by others, so this is simply my way of "joining the forces" and affirming that what others have written up is indeed the truth. If you worked at the Int Base for a long time there is probably not much you don't already know in my write-up. It's written mostly so that a novice or non-Scientologist can understand what was actually happening. Maybe it can help someone not on that Base or who is uncertain about the validity of all allegations against the Church to understand what is going on.
PHYSICAL ABUSE
In terms of physical abuse, I saw David Miscavige (will call him DM from now on) hit several executives which included slapping, punching, strangling and throwing objects at them. I saw him banging the heads of Marc Yager and Guillaume Lesevre (the Commanding Officer and Executive Director of the Church) together repeatedly until Guillaume's ear was bleeding. I saw him slap Ray Mithoff (Senior Case Supervisor Int) several times over the head and ear until he cried out in pain. After that beating DM left the office where we were sitting only to come back in 10 minutes. He had brought his wallet and pulled out a $20 bill and gave it to Ray saying: "Take this, I shouldn't have done that."I saw him throw a large, solid glass ashtray at Jason Bennick (then an exec in Gold) with full force which only missed Jason because he ducked. I saw him leap across a conference room table where at least 30 Int Executives were sitting and strangle and punch Mike Rinder several times in the face and on the body. I also saw him leap at Jeff Hawkins (then in Marketing) and slap and punch him. I was also there when he repeatedly slapped Marc Headley (then staff of Gold) in the face. These are some examples and there are many more.
HUMILIATION AND VERBAL ABUSE
I also saw DM humiliate staff repeatedly. At one point he had certain execs (Marc Yager, Norman Starkey, Hara O'Hare, Ray Mithoff) confined to tents with cold water showers and some hole in the ground as the "toilet." There were no separate allowances made for Hara who was a woman. I know of this because DM boasted about it in meetings. In 2004, I was part of the group of people (circa 50) who were confined to their office spaces in a trailer. We slept under desks and left the building only to take showers in the AM. The building was heavily guarded with no chance to "escape". In fact DM specifically told Guillaume (ED International) and Marc (Commanding Officer CMO International) in one meeting that: "If you blow I am going to come after you with everything I have and you know that I have connections."The average sleep schedule was 4-5 hours nightly, sometimes less, for months. During this time period I witnessed DM meeting with Tom Devocht who was in charge of the collective group in the trailers and tell him to "work over" people who he (DM) had called out in meetings. The "working over" consisted of slapping, punching and pummeling of people. DM knew of this. I saw him at least twice witnessing it from a distance. I saw at least 2 women (Angie Lemoine and Melita Guider) being repeatedly slapped in the face and told to "fess up" to their bad deeds. I saw the then Marketing Exec, Dave Bloomberg, being 'pummeled" by 2 other guys (Tom Devocht and someone else, I can't recall) and having to be driven to the hospital with a bruised rib.
In terms of verbal abuse and foul language it is impossible to count how many times I heard him belittle, berate, swear at and call staff names. I know that I was personally called both "bitch" and "slut" by him and also heard him call other female staff "c--t". The name-calling of females was much more rare than the men who he sometimes called all possible slang-words for the male organ, accused of being "fags" and more. The foul language spread all over that base like wildfire. People were saying "f--king" every second sentence, swearing, yelling at each other, etc. I can't say this entirely came from DM but he was sure setting the example when it came to manners and proper language. I was sort of stunned when I got out in the world so to speak that people generally weren't swearing at all and it took me a while to shake the habit.
DESTABILIZING STAFF
I was there and can confirm the "Musical Chairs" event where DM played music and had all Base Execs fight for chairs to see who would remain on their posts and who would be shipped away to the worst continent possible. It was ridicule all the way including bringing in spouses for good-byes, DM pretending to order ridiculous uniforms to be designed for all who would be leaving, etc. However, I believe that this event was a microcosm of constant destabilization of the personnel who worked at the Int Base. DM had his wife and assistant Shelly run a constant "personnel project" which went on for at least 10 years on and off. Large boards were made of the organization boards for the Base (RTC, CMO Int, Exec Strata, Gold, etc.) and Int and RTC staff were made to put together proposals of who should be in which organizations. This was done by marathon (sometimes a day and night long) meetings with photos of the personnel on the Base being moved around on the boards. It was solely based on opinion and the staff themselves were often pulled in and showed the boards which resulted in rumors and people never feeling safe on their posts. As an example, I once counted that I had been proposed for 20 different posts on these boards on and off just in two weeks!EMBEZZLEMENT
There was another broad, financial situation that I know of, having worked in most of the organizations on the base. In Gold (the lowest org on the totem pole) the staff were sometimes not being paid for months on end, an unbearable situation where some staff could not even afford to buy hygiene materials such as soap, underwear and tampons (believe it or not). In 1992 or 93 the staff in RTC were to be given yearly bonuses. Most staff were getting bonuses to the tune of $5,000 - $7,000. It didn't feel right when people in lower orgs were starving, literally, so some of us took it up with the then Internal Executive, Laurisse Stuckenbrock. (Laurisse later became COB’s Communicator). We were told that it was out of the question to decline the bonus. Those senior to us would get approximately triple that amount and then DM an even bigger bonus, of course. If those lower in the organization didn't accept their bonuses DM's would look odd in the eyes of the IRS, is what she told us. The difference between DM's lifestyle and those around him was staggering. He had 5-8 personal staff taking care of all his needs. Oh, and his staff had to be young and good looking, something his wife/assistant Shelly constantly told us RTC staff when we were made to help her find staff for his office.He wore whatever he wanted including tailor-made suits, shoes, etc. that cost thousands of dollars, more than the average staff member would make in a whole year. He ate whatever he pleased; I sat at his table for a while and when he was tired of the food his personal chef made he would just order that food be brought in from restaurants. He flew first class, of course, and drove posh cars. The staff or execs of his org, RTC, got involved in his personal matters in many ways. Example: His wife Shelly had all the RTC 'girls' stay up almost one whole night writing cards and putting together a surprise " presentation" for him of a brand new car she bought for him. He was showered with gifts for his birthday and Xmas; hundreds of gifts amounting to a value of many thousands of dollars. And, yes, money was collected for these gifts from the staff in Gold, and other orgs, who sometimes had no pay for months. Example of gifts: sound-systems, expensive cameras, suits, italian leather shoes, a custom made bicycle, watches and more.
He was in another league altogether and so he couldn't possibly understand what the general staff were going through or feeling because he was utterly detached from it.
CHILD ABUSE
I think of some of us who departed that Base sometimes still view things through the eyes of an insider instead of a decent human being on the outside. At least I sometimes did. However, by distancing myself from the insanity for many years now I have begun to think clearly. While violence in a Church is absolutely unforgivable, most people luckily do survive a punch or slap without too much trauma. What I find even more unforgivable and horribly illegal is how the children were treated under DM's regime and how this had heartbreaking ramifications. When I came to the Base people with children were still allowed to work at Int headquarters, however, the children remained in LA in a nursery. Parents were promised to be able to go to LA and see their kids one day a week. This, though not optimum, worked somehow. It was called "family time". In 1986 or 1987 I remember how DM pestered and humiliated ED Int (Guillaume) for allowing family time, which he labelled "other intentioned." ED Int had two daughters himself, so of course he was not about to stop parents from seeing their children. DM, however, made Guillaume put out an issue canceling family time. Now those of us who had kids had no means of seeing them at all. Luckily, an exec who was a mother herself, decided to get the kids out of LA and brought them to a ranch close to the Int Base. So, if we were lucky we could sneak an hour a week with the kids during our "cleaning time" during Sunday mornings. It was an intolerable situation where kids were literally pulled away from their parents. I know of at least one justification that DM and Shelly had for the bizarre treatment of children. Shelly once briefed RTC staff that since babies were essentially "thetans" (spiritual beings) they could also be born SP (suppressive beings) and therefore you "never knew what you would get," so you better not have kids.The children at the ranch were made to study only Scientology texts, not given a real education. They were made to do hours of manual labor every day. They were not allowed to really be children and some of the results were disastrous which has been covered in detail by Jenna Miscavige in the "Scientologykids.org" website.
My friend's daughter, for instance, couldn't fit in and literally was booted out at the age of 14, which was the result from DM's upset that his personal security guard was watching her. Her daughter eventually ended up homeless on the streets in LA. It was known she was on the streets - but instead of seeing the horror and danger imposed on her daughter's life in a city known for its gangs activity and crime, the only concern was to keep my friend disconnected from her, withholding the fact that her daughter reached out to her mother for help.
It is a tragedy how these children were treated and it would never had happened if it wasn't for DM. It is ironic that just a year ago I got to meet ED Int/Guillaume's daughter Laura. She left the Church with her sister around 15 years ago. They went on vacation to Italy to see their grandmother and refused to come back. Laura is a sweet, intelligent, friendly and beautiful girl who has not heard from her father in over 15 years. Not a letter, a phone call, birthday card - nothing. The reason is supposedly that when Laura and her sister left the church at the age of 6 and 8 they ended up not in "good graces". Therefore they are considered a bad influence on their dad. Go figure. But Laura doesn't understand and how does one explain? She wonders how her dad can hate his own daughters? She asked us what farce of an organization creates fathers who don't care for their own children?
THE USE OF RTC TO CONTROL THE BASE
It must be a mystery to many on the outside how one person can get so many others to be slavishly devoted to him. I will try to explain how it was done from my viewpoint. First of all, when DM arrived back to International Headquarters from several years in LA running ASI around 1987, he immediately seized control of RTC which he termed his organization. The sole purpose of RTC was to back him up in his endeavors. This was hammered into those who worked there. So for example, DM would go to a meeting with a bunch of staff from Int or Gold and lay out things that were to be done. Accompanying him would be 5-20 RTC staff who were to look out for anyone looking "strange," "sleepy" or otherwise having a bad reaction to what DM was saying. Those RTC staff were told to look "mean" and "cold." People who were noted as "not with the program" were then hauled in by RTC staff, put on an e-meter and asked questions until they fessed up what their "Counter Intentions" to DM were. They were asked questions such as if they had bad thoughts about him, if they had done something he would not approve of, etc. Whatever came up was written up in a report to DM and he would then use it to intimidate and humiliate the staff concerned. Let's say that the person in question confessed to some sexual thoughts or having masturbated. DM would read out the report aloud to all the execs of the headquarters. Thus, everyone was kept in constant fear of being found out in some way. Because even if you would keep clean as a whistle, who can keep their thoughts entirely under control? Having bad thoughts of any kind against DM was considered "disaffection" of the worst kind. Further, every time DM had one of these marathon meetings he would have his staff type up every word he said (minus any verbal or other abuse by DM) and these were issued to the execs in the meeting and they were to do an "M9" of them. That means reading the whole transcript aloud and each time one stumbled the M9 partner was to find a misunderstood word just before the stumble. A long transcript took hours to get through.The staff who worked in RTC were "groomed" by DM and his assistant Shelly to work like an internal police toward the other people at the Base. Like Internal Affairs. This was, however, taken to an extreme that was absurd. The RTC staff were not to associate in any way with other orgs' staff. Example: AVC, a part of RTC, checked every telex and despatch that was sent out from the Base. One evening the AVC Exec, Fleur Thomas at the time, stayed up late to check telexes that DM had ordered "must go out" that night. When she and two of her other staff were done sending out the telexes all buses taking staff home were gone and there were no RTC staff left at the base. Fleur and her staff accepted a ride home with an Int Executive. DM found out and Fleur was "grounded" (not allowed to go home) for 2 months. It was called "fraternizing." He then ordered that the RTC staff were to go in their own buses and not together with the other Base staff. He finally ordered that those in RTC married to Base staff either divorce or be kicked out of RTC. Prior to that I heard him threaten several staff with having to divorce their spouses. He once came into the office where I worked and told 3 female staff that they were going to have to divorce their husbands, just like that. No specifics on why.
It seemed like every event and/or activity that was supposed to be pleasant was turned into a nightmare in RTC. Example: Weekly Staff Meeting. Staff Meeting is supposed to be a time when the staff come together, go over the events of the week and where the staff can speak out and ask for help with what's on their minds. In RTC, staff meeting was the most terrifying event of the week. Most staff were to speak, show their weekly statistics, tell about handlings for any flaps in their area and brief on the plans for the coming week. Fair enough. But DM, running the meetings, would verbally chop staff to pieces if he felt they said anything wrong. I even saw him remove people on the spot in the meetings. For example he once told Shelly Corrias who was the magazine editor "you're off post!" right in the middle of staff meeting. Staff would drill for hours prior to these meetings on what they were going to say and it surely took the joy out of feeling one belongs to a group. I know, compared to some of the other stuff it surely isn't a big deal but I wanted to give an example of what the atmosphere was like in RTC.
KEEPING THE STAFF COWED
You would ask why the hell people just didn't stand up and give him the finger and say they were leaving. But that would be as if asking an ant why he didn't attack and kill an elephant. DM had every resource in those headquarters at his disposal and speaking out in any way against him meant the most cruel treatment possible. including being under 24 hour guard. There were people who had tried to leave and you would see them, still there, after 1-2-3 years. You didn't want to go that way yourself. So there was another option; shut up and escape at the first possibility. But it had to be done in such way that you weren't caught. Because if you were then you were in for a long haul of being watched day and night sometimes for years. Now, add to that the fact that there are razor-wire fences around the property and guards 24-7 and you'll understand that it wasn't just a matter of walking away from it all. Further, we were entirely disconnected from the rest of the world; reading books (other than L. Ron Hubbard's) was considered unethical, no TV, no internet access and a schedule with 2-5 hours sleep and no liberty. When you're so tired you can't think. When you can't think it's hard to solve problems or defend yourself.Another factor was the passage of time. It isn't as if suddenly, one day, all the violence started. The first thing I remember was DM just getting annoyed with the Execs concerned, leaving meetings in frustration. Then anger, yelling, calling people out. Then there was using violence sort of jokingly; like having people stand in front of them and he would give them a light kick in the butt for supposedly doing something stupid. Then the first slap, punch and finally attacking people flat out. This gradual increase of seriousness in the punishment made it look like the execs were literally driving him mad. That their actions or inaction were at the bottom of his behavior and that is what he repeated over and over again. He could also be compassionate with people and it was confusing that this same man who was beating and berating people could be so "kind." Like he would suddenly "find out" that someone was sick and order them to get the best possible medical care. He would find out someone hadn't slept and tell them to be taken care of. Of course it was all a show. He knew very well that people were staying up day and night for years, after all he was the one who coined the expression: "the night doesn't end until..."
Then it was the matter of the religion itself. Almost everybody who was at Int Headquarters had gained something from L. Ron Hubbard's teachings, texts that were not violent nor cruel. When DM arrived to Int Headquarters he would brief us repeatedly on the fact that the teachings had almost been lost because of the carelessness and evil of former execs as well as those currently there. He told us that he was going to be ruthless to protect the legacy of L. Ron Hubbard. It sounded cool, I mean who did not have moments when they had omitted to do their utmost to spread the religion?
WHY PEOPLE DON'T LEAVE
The reason that I am writing this up in such detail is because people keep asking me why the hell we didn't walk out? It all unfolded gradually and some people finally wised up and saw that it was insane. But even if you did, it was sometimes better to hang on for another year than to try to escape and be "caught" in which case you were in for a looooong haul. It is a big step to stand up and admit that whatever you have been involved with for the last 20 years is wrong, so you hold on, you try to make it right somehow to the bitter end. I keep thinking about some of the people I know who are still there. I believe that some of them might even consider it too late to start a new life. They are in their 60s, don't have much of a family on the outside, no profession to fall back on and everyone they care about is on the inside. So they must be telling themselves, every day, that it is all just happening because DM is protecting the religion and that they must be grateful and try to live up to his ideals. But I also think that some are just waiting for it all to be over, waiting for DM to make such big mistake that he has to remove himself from the lines. They don't know any other life than Scientology and they still want to try to make everything right. They have been threatened that DM will make their lives miserable if they leave. (He often boasted about his connections including the IRS, banks, etc. ) So I guess they finally wind up in a state of apathy on the subject of ever getting out and try to make the best of what they've got.Let's say you raided the Base and asked staff to speak out about DM or asked them if they wanted to leave. You would be surprised how many would say that they loved being there and that DM is the greatest leader on earth. Some might even believe it but some just know that the moment you left they would face gruesome consequences for speaking their mind. There would only be one way to differentiate between those who want out and those who don't and that is to make it absolutely safe for the staff to speak out. I know that many of the fine people who are still there know at the bottom of their hearts that something is awfully wrong with DM. We didn't talk about it. It wasn't safe. But looks and implications can say more than words much between close friends.
I had personally decided that I was going to leave almost a year before I did. I was just waiting for the right time so I would not be caught. The THOUGHT of leaving had, however, entered my mind many years earlier. I knew something was wrong, so much so that almost 10 years before I actually left I started to make small notes in a diary I kept. I wouldn't spell things out but instead I would write cryptic abbreviations that only I myself could decipher. I would mark events such as DM hitting someone or doing something I found outrageous. Why was I doing it? Because I knew it wasn't right and that it would one day mean something. That's all. When I confessed to keeping such diary some years later, a frantic hunt for the diary began by RTC. ( I was no longer in RTC at that time.) It was as if the whole salvation of the planet depended on finding that diary -- or rather, making sure that any incriminating evidence was destroyed. Search parties -- going through all locations where I had been keeping my things, people being woken up in the middle of the night, you name it, went on for weeks.
Now, if such frenzy and effort went into finding a little diary that might, possibly have something incriminating written about DM, then you can ask yourself how far he is going to go to try to stop those who are now, finally, speaking out.....
SUMMARY
I hope this has given a better understanding of what was or might still be going on. It's a "religion" that has turned into a place that is hell on earth. Peace, love, tolerance and stillness, subjects that are part of any honest religion, are long gone from Scientology management. Yes, that is the way it is.
Written by BACK TO LIFE